After his personal triumph at the Battle of Winforton Pontoons, Sir Gilbert Hill has provided a fully illustrated Press Release in celebration of his hard fought victory and commemoration of the fallen.
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| A panoramic shot of the start of the battle. Sir Gilbert's forces are in the centre, flanked by his Anglican allies. The first smokescreen has been laid down as the Anglican Tank Brigade (on left) undertake road manoeuvres. Following a prayer from the Bishop of Ludlow, Sir Gilbert gives the order : Boats away! |
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| Sir Gilbert's assault boats storm the River Wye as pontoon bridge building gets underway. |
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| Towards the middle of the battle: pontoon bridge building is well advanced as the Anglican tanks await their opportunity to cross the river. Hidden by clouds of smoke, Sir Gilbert's forces are landing on the northern bank. |
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| Sir Gilbert and his command staff observe as battle is joined. |
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| Sir Gilbert's forces storm the northern bank of the Wye. Lord Scudamore's Loyal Legion, under the command of newly arrived Lt. Everard, wait in line amongst the green crops, wondering when their promised Government reinforcements will arrive. "Stokkies House" - and the scene of his ultimate capture by the forces of Ludlow - is to the left. |
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| Sir Gilbert completes his Pontoon Bridge and throws his tank support into battle. The battle is almost over and, with the capture of Stokkies Joubert and rout of his King's Colonials by the forces of the Bishop of Ludlow, HM Government's remaining troops are forced into "an orderly retirement towards Hereford" |
Having successfully extricated HM Government's forces from the battlefield, the newly arrived Lt. Everard, anxiously dashed off a brief report to County HQ. Unfortunately, such was the confusion in the County caused by Sir Gilbert's "breakthrough battle", Lt. Everard's despatches soon fell into "enemy hands". Here they are in full:
"To : General
Officer Commanding From
: Lt.Everard
H.M.Government
Forces Acting
Commander
Marches Command South
Hereford Region
Sir,
Herewith my report concerning the recent action in the
Willersley – Winforton area.
Intelligence was received that a large Anglican force,
supported by the renegade Sir Gilbert Hill’s troops, were mounting an
amphibious operation to cross the River Wye near the villages of Winforton and Willersley, supported by an
entire tank brigade, and included the building of three pontoon bridges. The
enemy also had the assistance of several smoke tanks with seemingly unlimited
ammunition, which due to the prevailing wind blowing into our faces throughout
the day hindered our defensive fire.
As the news was received late there was no time to gather
all our forces, and although all available troops in the area were rushed to
the spot some unfortunately did not arrive in time to assist in the battle,
causing us to be even more severely outnumbered and out-gunned. Despite this
our men put up a stout resistance for as long as possible, inflicting heavy
casualties on the enemy, before eventually being forced to withdraw in the face
of overwhelming odds.
Our right flank was held by our colonial troops under Commandant
Stokkies Joubert, who also failed to receive adequate reinforcements. It was
anchored on a farmhouse and came under heavy and sustained assault by crack Anglican troops. The centre was held by our
Second Platoon, of whom only the Forest of Dean Free Miners and Lord
Scudamore’s Loyal Legion were present, supported by one field gun (Signore
Mussolini’s gift) and belatedly by two tanks. The left flank was held by the
BUF Wulfhere section and the newly arrived Cameroon Highlanders, in their first
action. They also had our lorry-mounted artillery, ‘The Dominator’, and
latterly two tanks.
Under cover of a sustained smoke bombardment the enemy
infantry crossed the river and began building bridges. Fierce fighting ensued
all along the line. The Forest of Dean Miners drove back their attackers, and
accurate fire from our heavy weapons prevented the Anglicans completing their
bridge in this area. On our right the burning oil surprise weapon was released
into the river earlier than intended after the tanker was hit by an Anglican
artillery round, so it only delayed bridge building briefly. Sadly the roadside
bombs and caltrops also did little damage.
Heavy HMG fire caused the Cameroon Highlanders to retire but
they eventually reformed, while the BUF was pitted against two enemy units,
inflicting severe casualties and fighting heroically to the last man in a
prolonged melee. Fortunately the Wormelow Wildcats arrived in the nick of time
to fill the gap.
A tank melee in the centre ended inconclusively with both
sides losing tanks. Lord Scudamore’s men were subjected, not only to heavy
fire, but also a barrage of juju spells from Sir Gilbert’s native witch doctor.
However they held their ground showing that British pluck and resolve were more
than a match for primitive native superstition.
It is a sad commentary that the Anglican Church is now so
desperate in this struggle for the soul of the country that they are prepared
to encourage the performance of Black
Magic and other arcane rituals by drug-crazed natives, using the blood
of cockerels and other such foul rites to try to unnerve our stout-hearted and
true defenders of the faith. May God have mercy on their souls.
A late attack by the
grim-faced harridans of Sir Gilbert’s Women’s brigade was repelled by a gallant
charge by the BUF Canine Section, which put the gin-sodden old biddies to
flight.
Sadly our colonial friends on the right seemed to lack their
usual elan (whether due to their ritual pre-battle drinking games I cannot say)
and proved unable to stem the overwhelming forces against them, culminating in
the loss of the farmhouse redoubt and the unfortunate capture of their
commander, Stokkies Joubert. The collapse of our right flank made a temporary
withdrawal of our remaining troops a prudent measure. I doubt that the
Anglicans will long be able to hold a man of such redoubtable stature as
Commandant Joubert, whose temporary loss will be felt in boudoirs throughout
the county.
In short, a temporary setback, but the performance of (most
of) our troops in the face of overwhelming numbers is to be commended.
Respectfully yours,
Lt. Richard Everard"
For his part in this notable Anglican and Allied victory, the Bishop of Ludlow has ordered a "Day of Hymnals and Rejoicing" (rapidly translated by his more PR conscious Chancellor, the Rev. Duff-Postin, into "A Victory Parade and Gala Fun Day"). Ludlow's Saturday evening papers have gone into overdrive, and the Bishop has confirmed the capture and incarceration of Stokkies Joubert by formal statement. Goodness knows what Ludlow's Sunday supplements (more pages than ever!) will say.......
Note : with thanks to Alan, Doug and Roo for the photographs. An "Umpire's Wash-Up", complete with further "illustrations" will follow in due course.
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