Tuesday, 7 November 2017


Post-Action Report On The Recent Clash of Arms 

by Cllr.Walter Cracknutt, commanding Wormelow Tump LDV

To whom it may concern.


As the opposing forces mustered it quickly became apparent that our loyal forces [Alan, for it was he, had made a satisfactory deal with Storm Commander Giles, Senior Fascist and Government Officer, in the pre-game financial negotiations] were greatly outnumbered by the Anglican-Socialist Alliance, and it was therefore incumbent on us to remain on the defensive to repel the enemy hordes. My troops held our left wing, with Storm Commander Giles [Giles] in the centre and Captain Morgan [Craig] and his Hereford Local Defence Volunteers on our right. The forces of the "Socialist (Very Broad) Front" formed the enemy left wing, which greatly overlapped our own right, leaving the Anglicans holding their centre and right. This was obviously a cunning ploy by the Reds, as will be seen. The Anglicans advanced in their usual laggardly fashion, or not in the case of the cowering townsfolk facing my gallant lads, whose impressive defensive line hidden in a wheat field caused the enemy to hold back, clearly intimidated by the wide open spaces of the countryside. No skulking back alleys to hide in here ! 

After some desultory skirmishing in the centre, disaster struck when Captain Morgan revealed the Hereford Local Defence Volunteers to be TRAITORS ! Seduced by insidious Red propaganda, Mexican gold and vodka, these false backstabbers attacked Storm Commander Giles' Wyvern Defence Force (aka "Wyrd Force"). Fierce fighting raged in a wood, with heavy casualties on both sides. The situation was perilous in the extreme for the King's men.

At that moment, the situation changed when the full import of the Red Menace revealed itself, as, wrongly believing our side was done for, they treacherously attacked their Anglican allies. At once all was confusion, as the Anglican left and centre turned to meet this attack.

Sizing up the situation I immediately sent word to the Anglican commander opposite [Gavin, as Cousin Verity of the Verity LDV] suggesting we refrained from any aggressive action against each other until the situation became clearer. As the Red threat increased this agreement became an official truce for the day as the Anglican and HM. Government forces turned to face the new foe.

My Wormelow Tump LDV dashed to the aid of Storm Commander Giles' Wyrd Force, but unfortunately our fitness training had omitted to include hedge-jumping, which slowed us down somewhat. However the Wormelow Cadets did arrive in time to drive the The Westfield Watchmen CC Gentlemen's XI out of the wood, and save our gallant leader, Storm Commander Giles. Our casualties were light, one sniper and an HMG team; also one of the Wormelow Wildcats Hockey Team was killed early on by mortar fire from the false Bishop of Ludlow, whom it may be remembered from previous battle reports has a penchant for picking on young ladies.

Overall, I believe this was a creditable performance in a battle in which we were heavily outnumbered and betrayed. On a positive note the exact nature of the perfidious Red Menace has now been revealed for all to see, and who knows, perhaps the temporary battlefield truce with the Anglicans may presage a more lasting attempt at peace. 

One other point to mention is that I was personally approached by a shady character with leftist leanings and offered money to assassinate our gallant leader, Storm Commander Giles, which just shows the treacherous nature of these Reds. Naturally, being a loyal stout-hearted fellow, I did not do the evil deed but, being a Councillor, I naturally kept the brown envelope containing Mexican pesos, which turned out to be wise move when the Bank of England sadly went bust at the close of proceedings.

I have the honour to be, etc., etc.,
Walter Cracknutt
(Councillor, Commander, Wormelow Tump LDV)

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