Thursday, 22 March 2018


What has happened to Major Straitt-Jackett ?    Report from our Special Correspondent

Mystery surrounds the fate of Major Miles Straitt-Jackett following the recent battle at Wigmore Hall in North Herefordshire. Communist news agencies have loudly proclaimed the death of the well-known Royalist commander, who assumed command at the Battle of Mortimer Country after Storm Commander Giles was forced to retire to the rear due to the effects of wounds previously suffered at the Siege Lines of Kington. 

Major Straitt-Jackett has been credited with forming the alliance between HM Government and Sir Barrington Patchpole’s Mortimer LDV forces, thereby ensuring the defeat of the Communist attempt to seize Wigmore Hall and take control of Mortimer Country. However, he has not been seen since the battle, and unconfirmed reports suggest he may have been hit by a stray artillery shell just before the alliance was finally concluded. Communist media have gleefully claimed he was ‘blown to bits by artillery’ but a government spokesman has denied this, admitting only that Major Straitt-Jackett "had been wounded".

The immediate aftermath of the artillery strike on Major Straitt-Jackett's HQ. The crew of the BUF's own heavy artillery piece look on in horror. However Government spokesmen may attempt to "spin" this evidence,  independent observers
may consider that Major Straitt-Jackett is, at the very least, doing a very good impression of being very, very dead.
Reports from the battlefield have talked of BUF troops ‘picking up body parts in buckets’ afterwards, but these grisly reports are unconfirmed. What is known is that a closed ambulance left the area at high speed with a military escort immediately after the battle and headed towards London. Several hours later a similar-looking vehicle arrived at Woolwich Military Hospital, and allegedly went directly to a special secure unit housing the “Special Hospital for Investigating Trauma”. Little is known about the activities of this secretive government facility, but it is believed to be headed by well-known scientist and transplant specialist, Dr.Jekyll. Further reports from our correspondent suggest that the renowned neuro-surgeon, Professor Frank Enstein, arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter. A Government spokesman declined to comment on these reports, dismissing them as ‘fanciful speculation in poor taste when our thoughts and prayers should be with a true patriot’.

The continuing ill-health of Storm Commander Giles, the mystery of the fate of Major Straitt-Jackett, and the continued absence of the notorious Captain Arrowsmith means that HM Government has been temporarily deprived of its top three field commanders within the County of Herefordshire. It is reported that, by the end of the Battle of Wigmore Hall, the entirety of HM Government forces were under the command of Sergeant Bert Hardnutt, whose promotion to Sergeant-Major for ‘exemplary conduct in difficult circumstances’  was today posted in the London Gazette.

It may be that the successful defence of Mortimer County and the agreement reached with Sir Barrington Patchpole KC, have together revived the fortunes of H.M.Government within the County of Hereford generally, but such appears to have been won at a considerable, although possibly temporary, cost in top leadership.

Notes : with many thanks to Alan for the above Special Correspondent's Report.

BREAKING NEWS - Councillor Cracknutt "confined to quarters" at Wormelow Tump - BREAKING NEWS - Government investigation. Allegations of "treason", "treating with the enemy on the field of battle", "receiving corrupt payments" and "breaking the speed limit" in the retirement from the Battle of Berrington Approaches - BREAKING NEWS - HM Government Hero and LDV Leader pledges "to fight all allegations" BREAKING NEWS - HM Government leadership "in complete disarray". Sergeant-Major Bert Hardnutt "now being considered for promotion to Field Marshall" MORE FOLLOWS SOONEST.....

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