MODELLING CHALLENGE 2022 - THE RESULTS !

Interrupting reports of the Spring Big Game 2023, the breathlessly awaited results of the Modelling Challenge 2022 ("Armoured Legends")....

For the rules of the Challenge and the entirely juvenile/ultra-cheap plastic "war toy" from the 1960s used as its basis, see HERE. Eight of the twelve tanks "went out" from the Spring Big Game 2022, but only three actually "came back" for the Spring Big Game 2023, resulting in a shoal of the notorious ""Fell at the First" Certificates being issued, including (for the second year running!) to Terrain Tsar and Campaign Co-Ordinator Roo! We shall not say what happens to recipients of three such certificates....and pass lightly over the others.....(although we know where you live, slackers!). Still, justice was done in the end, for "Comrade Roo" and the Communists reportedly could have used a "Free Tank" at the Battle of Dinmore....

ENTRY ONE - "General" Patton, foot and mounted in a "Trumper & Shellgrove" tank.
More (much more) on "General" Patton HERE. 

"General" Patton was Campaign Co-Ordinator Clive's entry for the Modelling Challenge 2022, and he, too, received the same award as last time, the "Vaguely Competent but Somewhat Conventional" Scroll. Clearly, the Judging Panel severely marked his entry down for not complying with the "snazzy 1930s three colour camouflage" requirement, but producing a tank in US Olive Drab. Nevertheless, Umpire Clive's tears and disappointment were somewhat mollified by receipt of some additional recognition, viz. the "Netflix Special Award for (the Most Profitable) Adaptation (Without Too Much Attention to Detail) of a (Protected neither by Copyright nor Defamation) Historical Character"

ENTRY TWO - Senior Officer Cadet Macken-Chees, foot and mounted, in his "OFSTED" tank.
More on Professor Fergal McGonagall's marvellous invention HERE

Professor Fergal McGonagall's "OFSTED" tank was HMG C-in-C Alan's entry for the Modelling Challenge 2022. The Judging Panel were particularly taken with the chutzpah required to use the original (and ridiculous) plastic toy barrel as a chimney, the addition of a trailer, and the introduction of a biro spring (it was a biro spring, wasn't it?) to create a pulpy death ray. Some query was raised as to whether the actual use of three colours constituted a "snazzy 1930s three colour camouflage" pattern (one for the rules lawyers, that) and whether Cadet Macken-Chees' American Football outfit could really be regarded as Very British, but Alan duly carried away the "Best Scientific Genius Creation" Special Award (with Van der Graaf Generator in Diamonds) combined with the "Most Creative Use of old GW Transfers (not Decals)" Merit Badge...

ENTRY THREE - "Captain Tom", foot and mounted in a Trumper & Shellgrove tank.
For more of "Captain Tom" in explosive action, see HERE

"Captain Tom" was ILP Leader Jon's entry for the Modelling Challenge 2022, and met with immediate approval from the Judging Panel for its three colour camouflage scheme and beautifully painted "Captain Tom" figures (one drinking tea, too!). When it was pointed out that it would be hard to think, nowadays, of a more Very British character than the late Captain Sir Tom Moore, the Panel's verdict was sealed, and Jon immediately awarded both the Three Colour Camouflage Silver Dagger and, more importantly, The Winner's Cup! Hurrah!

Hereford Society show their appreciation to all who entered the Modelling Challenge 2022.
On to the Modelling Challenge 2023 ("Technicals")!

HMG "OFSTED TANK" - AND SCIENTIFIC GENIUS

Every VBCW faction needs a "Mad Scientist", and since the banishing and imprisonment of Professor Dave Ross, inveterate scientific tinkerer and notorious cider addict, His Majesty's Government has been sadly lacking in this department. But no more! Let HMG's C-in-C, Major Everard (Alan) take up the story:

"PROFESSOR FERGAL MCGONAGALL

Inventor of the OFSTED  (Oil Fired Steam Turbine Electrical Discharge) Tank.

Another extraordinary invention from the fertile mind of the eccentric genius and inventor, Professor Fergal McGonagall. Variously described as ‘a brilliant but unstable mind’, ‘that loony bastard’, ‘the cleverest man in Ireland’, ‘a complete and utter lunatic’ and ‘totally bonkers’, the Professor has many weird and wonderful, though not always effective, inventions to his name. Examples include – the magnetic vacuum cleaner for cleaning workshop floors of metal fragments, the steam powered washing device, the clockwork rotating washing line, etc. etc.

Prof. McGonagall has been a friend of Major Everard ever since the latter saved the Professor from an angry lynch mob in Palestine when, after an evening of heavy drinking, the inebriated Irishman mistook the entrance to a local mosque for a public convenience.

Hearing of his friend’s current strategic difficulties, the Professor has devised a new armoured weapon to assist the fight against Communism and the Church, both of which McGonagall despises (along with teetotallers, vegetarians, tax collectors, Pekinese dogs, and physical training instructors).

The tank tows an armoured trailer containing the oil, fuel and water containers. These are pumped into the tank, where an oil-fired boiler heats the water to produce steam to drive a turbine which generates electricity. Upon firing, the tank discharges a high voltage current at the target, which (hopefully) suffers rather as if struck by lightning. This current can be capable of destroying all electrical circuits, melting metal, igniting fuel and starting fires, and electrocuting any human or animals caught in the discharge. However, as this example is a prototype, which has not yet been perfected, it may (like so many of McGonagall's inventions) not be entirely reliable………

For its initial foray onto the battlefield the tank will be commanded by Professor McGonagall’s nephew, Senior Officer Cadet Leo Macken-Chees, a wild young spirit known by admirers in his home town of Ballyorefall as ‘The Young Lion’, (and by his detractors as ‘the Prat in the Hat’)."

Senior Cadet Leo Macken-Chees (mounted and dismounted versions)
together with his OFSTED tank. Tanker's uniform clearly of his own design...

An "aerial reconnaissance" view of the OFSTED tank.

OFSTED tank and armoured trailer.

Onward ! The Ofsted Tank trundles off towards Major Everard's "Dinmore Hill Line"
outside Hereford, ready to "sally forth" against the gathering Communists...

Notes:

(1). the "Ofsted Tank" constitutes Alan's entry for the Modelling Challenge 2022 ("Armoured Legends") and is therefore playable as a FREE UMPIRE BONUS to Government Forces on the "Dinmore Hill Line table" at the forthcoming Spring Big Game 2023.

(2). Senior Officer Cadet Leo Macken-Chees, as Alan's "Armoured Legend" also benefits from the "Armoured Legend Special Rule" as previously posted, and replicated here for convenience : "Special Rule for "Armoured Legends" - in the event that an "Armoured Legends" tank is blown up, the "Armoured Legend" himself/herself does not die, but is "catapulted" by the force of the explosion from the tank in a random direction for a random distance (use direction die and 2D6), and thereafter continues "on foot". The bias is always against an "Armoured Legend" being killed in this Big Game - because they have to have some time 'in County" to become "the Legend" that they supposedly are.... 

 

(3). Alan has drawn up a very special firing/reaction/results table unique to the Ofsted Tank, available on the BIG DAY of the Spring Big Game 2023, apparently involving a lot of enhanced toasting of Communists (with equal chances of explosive reactions within the Ofsted itself). The Umpires are grateful (even if the Communists might not be), as this outstanding effort is one up on the usual "oh...I wrote the rules on my mobile phone....,let me check..." (of blessed memory).

GENERAL GEORGE S. PATTON - THE UNTOLD STORY

In the summer of 1938, George S. Patton was a little known and deeply frustrated Colonel in the United States Army, commanding the 5th Cavalry Regiment at Fort Clark, Texas. While Patton was convinced of his own "unconventional" ideas on armoured warfare, Fort Clark was "the army's ultimate backwater, a place where old cavalry soldiers were sent to finish out their careers in peace and quiet" (D'Este, p366). 

Or so Patton's regular biographers (including the best of them, Carlo D'Este's "Patton - A Genius for War") would have it. While D'Este does record the powerful influence upon Patton of General Sir Edmund Allenby, Liberator of Jerusalem, whom he had met during the First World War:

"....Allenby had told Patton that 'for every Napoleon, Alexander, and Jesus Christ that made roles of [sic] history, there were several born. Only the lucky ones made it to the summit. He felt that in every age and time, men were born ready to serve their country and their God, but sometimes were not needed; you had to be at the right place at the right time - you had to be lucky...."

and acknowledges the depression and even despair Patton felt in 1938 at the prospect of not being involved in a major war during his active career, astonishingly to some - and notwithstanding recently discovered  (if somewhat grainy) photographic evidence - there is no mention of George S. Patton's involvement in the Hereford VBCW:

'General' George S. Patton on the road from Bromyard to Leominster, 1938 - an "Armoured Legend"

Whether Patton's presence in Herefordshire during 1938 was as a formal USA attache with the permission of General Marshall, or merely a spot of "officially unathorised leave" from his role with the 5th Cavalry, may still be a matter of academic argument. What is certain, however, is that Patton moved from a position of "observer" to "combatant" very quickly after his arrival "in County", and then reportedly with great relish - obtaining a tank from the well known VBCW "military suppliers to the gentry", Trumper and Shellgrove of New Bond Street (hence, a "TraSh Tank"), and promoting himself to "General" immediately.

As an American, Patton was obliged to retain a formal independence from any of the contending factions. However, it was always clear that Patton could never fight with the Royalists nor Albertines ("ain't no goddam patriotic American ever fought for an English King"), nor the BUF ("goddam Nazis"), and his views on the Russian backed Presteigne Communist Front were pretty much unprintable (but here goes anyway):

Slightly by default, therefore, the God-fearing Patton's usual role within the Herefordshire VBCW was as an ally of the Anglicans, and even more so as a "Senior Armoured Adviser" to the newly founded Independent Democratic Republic of Bromyard ("Goddam politics. Well, they got Democrats, see, and Republicans. Just like back in Washington, yessir..."). It is reported that Patton formed a particular friendship with Sir Alan McGuffin, Chairman of the Herefordshire Golf Club and enthusiastic proponent of the Bromyard Armoured Brigade, even finding time to learn the rudiments of golf in Sir Alan's company.

Why then has Patton's experience in the Herefordshire VBCW clearly been covered up? A favoured explanation is that Patton's subsequent rise to prominence - as a result of the Tennesee, Louisana and Carolina Armoured Manoeuvres of 1941 - had to be patriotically portrayed as a product of American genius, rather than accepted as part of Patton's experience of armoured warfare during the Hereford VBCW (and heavy borrowing from the armoured theories of the Very British Sir Alan McGuffin):

Patton during the 1941 Armoured Manoeuvres

The U.S. Army Publicity Machine gears up in Life Magazine, July 1941.
There is no mention of the Herefordshire VBCW within the article on Patton.

Thankfully, future posts on this blog will detail Patton's experiences in the VBCW, and thereby explode the many decades old conspiracy of silence:

 

Note: General George S. Patton and his "Trash" Tank constitute Umpire Clive's entry for the Modelling Challenge 2022 ("Armoured Legends") and is therefore playable as a "Free Umpire Bonus" at the Spring Big Game 2023!

SPRING BIG GAME 2023 - KEEP THE DATE !

Just a short pre-Christmas post, looking forward to the New Year - the Hereford VBCW Spring Big Game 2023 will take place at our usual venue and at our usual times :

Burley Gate Village Hall, Herefordshire

10.00am - 5.00pm

(doors open c. 9.30am)

on

Saturday, 25th February 2023

The full scenario is being busily worked on over Christmas and will be announced on the blog in the New Year.....

Communist Party Workers working on their most favourable 1938 scenario...
(or possibly doing election work in 1928)

while "the Leader" has called a "special 1938 scenario planning meeting"
(or possibly just a meeting in Hull, 1937)

and the Anglican ladies are busy 'stitching up the terrain" (literally)...

Modelling Challenge Note - don't forget that, if you were lucky enough to snag your free model tank at the Spring Big Game 2022, provided you've actually completed the 2022 Modelling Challenge ("Armoured Legends"), you can play the result as a free addition to your forces in the Spring 2023 Big Game ! Hurrah ! Check the Modelling Challenge 2022 label to the right for full background and details!

MODELLING CHALLENGE 2022 NEWS

Devotees of the Hereford VBCW will know only too well of our annual "Modelling Challenge" routine, the Umpires distributing some cheap plastic war toy to players at the Spring Big Game with a challenge to convert the same into an imaginative VBCW item for use in the Autumn Big Game.

This year's Modelling Challenge 2022 has the theme of "Armoured Legends" and players at this year's Spring Big Game ("Last Train from Leominster") duly received a fantastically juvenile but entirely FREE 1960's plastic tank toy:

The deadly "Desert Tank". More detailed pictures are available - click on the
Modelling Challenge 2022 label to the right of this post.

So here's the news. This year, subject to any individual appeals, the Umpires are extending "the deadline" for completion of the Modelling Challenge from the Autumn Big Game 2022 to the Spring Big Game 2023. In other words, and again subject to appeal, anybody who creates an "Armoured Legend" in accordance the Modelling Challenge 2022 rules can play their creation in Spring 2023, NOT in the forthcoming Autumn Big Game 2022 ("Newquay Reloaded").

The reason for this is that the "Newquay Reloaded" Big Game is a Covid induced hangover from Spring 2020, when we originally intended to run the same game - but then had to cancel because of the national lockdown. Hence, significant "Modelling Challenge" creations were readied for the Spring 2020 Game which have never been used, and it's only fair to their creators that they should see the "light of the tabletop" before we move on to the 2022 "Armoured Legends" creations.

See the relevant "war toys" HERE (of particular interest to admirers of the "Shoddy Tank" concept).

Note : as to the mention of "subject to any individual appeals", the Umpires have in mind making allowance for any player who emails in arguing something along the lines of "I've spent the last 6 months sculpting two unique figures for this blasted 2022 Modelling Challenge, plus super detailing that rubbish plastic tank, and I WANT TO USE IT NOW...." Contrary to persistent rumours, the Umpires are, if not generous, at least human. Particular weight will be given to anyone wishing to place their 2022 Modelling Challenge creation at the disposal of the Newquay defending forces, as it looks as if HMG already have more than enough armour in the "Newquay Reloaded" scenario....

10th ANNIVERSARY - MODELLING CHALLENGE 2022 ("ARMOURED LEGENDS")

With the special 10th Anniversary Spring Big Game 2022 fast approaching, its time for the Modelling Challenge 2022!

Past Modelling Challenges have covered VBCW boats, tanks, planes and morale raising vehicles, mostly based on "(very) cheep Chinese plastic" toys sourced over time from Ebay and given away free by the Umpires to players at the Spring Big Game - just to see what imaginative conversions and paintjobs result. The results (usually playable as a free bonus at the Autumn Big Game) have varied, of course, mostly tending towards giganticism - entire armoured brigades, landing fleets, air squadrons - or veering into the specialist sub-genre of 1930s outre; whether Heath-Robinson flame throwing tanks or Hereford's very first mobile "bordel"....

So the 2022 Challenge is intended to bring us all back to the individual and concentrate upon creating a VBCW campaign character - an "Armoured Legend" !

Well, it wouldn't be a Modelling Challenge without a piece of (really, really) cheep Chinese plastic!  This time we have to be grateful not to the modern CCP, but to the manufacturing industry (and graphic artists) of that freedom loving and entrepeneurial enclave of the late British Empire, 1960's Hong Kong:

Yes! A complete (if somewhat battered) toy department display box of respectable vintage, complete with characterful artwork, containing twelve (12) plastic "war toys" of "roughly the right scale" and completely dubious historical authenticity - just right for a HerefordVBCW Modelling Challenge!

The interior of the display box - double packed rows of VBCW potential tanks!

The luminescent red bell-end muzzle brake has to go - but the barrel is already
too long for a 1930s tank, so it wouldn't be a loss....

...in fact, the whole barrel (a separate part) could go, leaving something
 like an M8 armoured howitzer configuration...

..the all-important "scale shots" - behind, an example of the notorious "Shoddy Tank"
from the 2019 Modelling Challenge. The 2022 variant is slightly smaller and
slightly less "bulked up". If anything, however, that makes it even more
suitable for "28mm scale" VBCW gaming...

...the BUF clearly have their eyes on the new tank variant. Here
a small section of infantry demonstrate "scale height" against the tank.

Now, this is usually where we insert a suitable VBCW "back story" - which can admittedly tend towards the over-elaborate - in order to explain the presence of somewhat a-historical vehicles in Hereford 1938. But there's no need to do so this time, as the 2022 Modelling Challenge isn't all about the tank. The tank is only a backdrop to whoever you choose to command it - your new campaign character - the "Armoured Legend".

So. pick up a tank at the Spring Big Game 2022 ! You then have six months to scour the internet/check in the leadpile/look behind the back of the couch for a suitable commander ready to attain "legendary status" in the Hereford VBCW campaign..... 

Although the judging system is entirely arbitrary, and conversion, modelling and painting of course the key, special points will be awarded for:

• snazzy 1930s three colour camouflage schemes (any three colours);
• eccentricity;
• Herefordshire connections;
• a fun backstory to the character;
• producing both a "half figure" to fit in the turret and an identically-painted "full height" figure fit to run around dizzily (once your tank meets the deadly crowbar wielding Communist A/T Team);
• independence from established factions;
• anything that makes the Umpires quietly giggle.

And remember the watchword - if you paint it, you can play it - as your Umpire's free bonus in the Autumn Big Game 2022! 

An unhappy BUF Storm Commander, Desmond Dastardly - he has yet to fight a battle in
the Hereford VBCW (let alone achieve legendary status, or even have his binoculars
finished), and soon there will be all this competition. Umpires!