MODELLING CHALLENGE 2023 - THE RESULTS !

The Modelling Challenge 2023 ("Technicals") proved to be the most competitive modelling challenge in Hereford1938 history, with fully thirteen entries in total ! Unlucky for some? The competitors, in no particular, but nevertheless blog, order:

(1). No less than FIVE heavily armed entries from Mr Frank Richardson of the Wye Valley Reclamation Depot (Alan);

(2). A diminutive "Combat Car" in service with the Irish Lilliputian Leprechaun Legion (LAF Moriarty);

(3). A "Little Hereford Farmers' Co-Operative Big Gun Technical" (Umpire Clive);

(4). TWO Multi Machine Gun Technicals in service with the Independent Labour Party (prop. Mr Benn, aka Jon);

(5). a "King's Own Colonials 47mm Gun Recon Technical" (Umpire Roo);

(6). TWO MG Technicals of Doc Daktari's Shangani Patrol (Umpire Clive again); and

(7). "The Mosley Mobile" (LAF Bearwoodman).

The International Judging Panel, for reasons explained at the end of this previous post, had already decided to create a new category of "Disabled Technicals", in order to cope with the "entirely off-piste" (according to the French, Italian and Swiss judges) entries from LAF Bearwoodman and - here there was much controversy, not so much "off-piste" as "piste-off" - LAF Moriarty and the Irish Lilliputian Leprechaun Legion.

Against all the physical evidence, LAF Moriarty insisted that his Irish Combat Car "was 1/72 scale, which as we all know isn't 20mm at all, but the same as 25mm, and that's perfectly acceptable with 28mm, begorrah, all this scale growth in recent years...."

Declining to become involved in yet another interminable discussion on the subject of scales, heights, the history and interaction between wargaming and model railway gauges, whether "scale height" should be measured to the line of the eyes or the top of the head, etc. etc., the International Judging Panel simply ruled LAF Moriarty's entry as "too damned small" and assigned him to the "Disabled Technicals" category. Still protesting loudly, it was only when Mr Frank Richardson of the Wye Valley Reclamation Company lit up his blowtorch in a meaningful manner that LAF Moriarty allowed himself to be led away by the Italian judge........

Tall and short, big and small, 1/72 and 28mm. The Italian Judge provides
some practical rules guidance - and consolation - to the
newly "disabled" LAF Moriarty.

Having dealt with the much discussed "Moriarty controversy", the Judging Panel made another swift executive decision. Given the number and quality of the entries to the Modelling Challenge 2023, there was only one way to find out who should win:

The distinguished Chairman of the International Judging Panel announces their "executive decision".

The rules : one lap around Hereford Race Course (facilities kindly donated for the day by HMG and Major-General Everard), first past the post, "modest firing" allowed (subject to judicial penalty) and "quality control by red flag". The competitors lined up, with the "Disabled Technicals" placed in a separate lane, the starter fired his revolver, and THEY'RE OFF !!

OR NOT !

To horrified shrieks and groans from the watching stands, none of the Wye Valley Reclamation Company's five Technicals crossed the starting line, nor even started up at all ! What was the matter ?

But one example of the Wye Valley Reclamation Company's Technicals - "the Stinger"

It subsequently appeared that, in an impossible to ignore breach of the Challenge rules, none of the Wye Valley Technicals had been supplied with a crew - or drivers. This posed obvious difficulties in racing anywhere, let alone a competitive lap around Hereford Racecourse. 

Mr Frank Richardson therefore "retired hurt" from the Challenge, little consoled by the Judges' award of both the Stakhanov Award for Productivity (in Gold) and (given the amount of heavy weaponry fixed to the Technicals), a one half share in the Muammar Gadaffi Megalomanic Prize Fund. He was last seen screaming over the recumbent body of the Chief Designer of the Wye Valley Reclamation Company, while removing the said designer's molar teeth with large pliers - but without anesthetic. At least, we think it was Mr Richardson's screams.... 

And the King's Colonials leapt forward into the lead, chased around the first corner by Doc Daktari's Shangani Patrol, the Little Hereford Farmers, and two badly smoking Independent Labour Party Technicals:

The unfeasible ILP Technicals immediately before the Race.

Heavily overladen with multiple machine guns of all sorts (Soviet Quadruple AA MGs to the rear, twin Vickers K guns for the front seat passenger, with but a single measly Lewis Gun for the deprived driver), the ILP Technicals were simply unable to keep up with their lighter competitors, and the very many heavy boxes of ammunition required for this insane amount of ILP armament soon resulted in gear and engine trouble of a terminal sort.

Pulling up in clouds of steam and smoke, Degsy Hatton of the ILP leapt from the cab of his PMW 1.5 tonner to receive his richly deserved half share in the Muammar Gadaffi Megalomaniac Prize Fund and the "Thanks of the Soviet Military Attache" for so effectively showcasing his country's armaments industry.

Which left but three in the race going down the back straight, and - what's this ? It can't be ?! A Judges' "red flag" for the Shangani Patrol !

Umpire Clive's Shangani Patrol

Yes, as even Umpire Clive subsequently admitted, the Shangani Patrol had been "a bit of a rush job just before the Big Day" and "had too much Khaki Serge and not enough Khaki Drill". There was no VAR appeal (or rather, "cinematic projector appeal") against the Judges' "Red Flag for Quality", with Doc Daktari left to pick up "The Most Innovative Camouflage Scheme" Papyrus Scroll and a stern warning from the Judges to "get himself touched up smartened up for next time".

Which left the Hereford Farmers' Co-Operative neck in neck with the King's Colonials as the race rounded the last corner. The crowds in the stands rose to their feet, breathless and cheering. Who would win the Modelling Challenge 2023 ?

Umpire Clive's Hereford Farmers' Technical

Terrain Tsar Roo's King's Colonials Technical

It had been thought that their "snazzy 1930s three colour camouflage scheme" might give the Farmers' some speed advantage, but this was obviously countered by the huge amount of cut foliage with which the Farmers had sought to disguise the outlines of their Technical, and the sheer weight of their "Really Big Gun". The more nimble King's Colonials therefore drew ahead, just as the Farmers made their ultimate tactical mistake:

"FIRE !"

Some subsequently blamed the Farmer's "home made ammunition". Others argued that "farmers can't be expected to understand physics, after all". What was certain was that, in a vain attempt to blow up the King's Colonials Technical (the shot missed, and badly), the Farmers had put themselves into a catastrophic Big Gun recoil, resulting in their explosive reverse up the straight, through the guard rails, past the tea stand, and then (unhappily, due to the incline of the ground) into a giant airborne backward  leap that appeared to end, so far as anyone in the stands could see, somewhere around Aymestry. That seemed to be the general area from where the smoke of impact was rising, anyway.

The Farmers had, quite literally, triggered themselves, leaving the Kings Colonials to pass the finishing line and perform a victory lap of honour. Winners of the Modelling Challenge 2023 !

To the cheers of the crowd, the King's Colonials Technical drives up
 to the Winner's Enclosure at Hereford Racecourse.

Terrain Tsar Roo, having received only "Fell at the First" Certificates in recent Modelling Challenges, now raised, in triumph and acknowledgment of the crowds, his "From Zero to Hero Trophy" (a gilt edged exclamation mark on an ivory stand) alongside the much coveted "Winner's Cup", and was soon led away for an exclusive interview with the sports correspondent of the "Hereford Times"....

BUT WAIT....

What happened in the quite separate "Disabled Technicals" race?

We should like to draw a discreet veil over such proceedings, or perhaps more appropriately, a large number of shrouds.

Placing the largest ever known Modelling Challenge entry (the 1/43 scale Mosley Mobile) in a lane next to the smallest ever known Modelling Challenge entry (the 1/72 scale Irish Combat Car) was no fair match-up, particularly when many observers argued that the Combat Car was actually 1/76, or possibly 1/87, with a few "outliers" arguing for 1/100....

And it was too much to expect a merciful approach from Oswald Mosley.

The diminutive (and doomed) Irish Combat Car

The gigantic (and unmerciful) "Mosley Mobile"

And so it was that, right at the starting line, the Mosley Mobile performed a dastardly manoeuvre, simply turning and driving straight over the Combat Car with a horrible metal-on-metal KERRUNCH ! This same manoeuvre (known colloquially as "The Mosley Rightward Swerve") is still popular with certain VBCW re-enactors, particularly in the United States:

It was therefore a somewhat dazed and battered LAF Moriarty that received his special prize - the "Jonathan Swift Special Engraving for the Representative Use of Lilliputians in Modern Warfare" (together with solicitous enquiries as to his health):

The Jonathan Swift Special Engraving.

leaving Oswald Mosley (and LAF Bearwoodman) to "savour their triumph" in the "Disabled Technical Section" and parade their "Most Brutal Dictator" award (deepest black withal, with rare and specially pleasing "Ungentlemanly Conduct" ribbons) around the the Winner's Enclosure of Hereford Race Course....

And so on to the Modelling Challenge 2024 !

The people of Hereford congratulate all the participants in the Modelling Challenge 2023.
What will happen next year ?

FOOTNOTE OF UTMOST IRONY

It was suggested in THIS POST that LAF Bearwoodman had entered a state of "suspended animation" after his production of the 40K Shoddy Tank(s) back in 2019. We now recognise that this is NOT TRUE, and that contrary to such ill-informed reports, LAF Bearwoodman was in fact still beavering away on "Shoddy Tank" conversions as recently as March 2022, producing Hereford1938 VBCW's VERY FIRST CULTIST VEHICLE for use in the Spring Big Game of that year.

And here's the rub. The subsequent owner of the Cultist Vehicle ? LAF Moriarty. The return gesture for LAF Bearwoodman's generosity ? A 28mm Oswald Mosley figure, obtained by LAF Moriarty as one of the 10th Anniversary Free Figures, as then painted up by LAF Bearwoodman for use with his "Mosley Mobile".

In short and for those who appreciate the concept of karma, for the purposes of the Modelling Challenge 2023, LAF Moriarty found himself being driven over by the very same Oswald Mosley figure that he had previously given away.....

It's a small world, Hereford 1938. In more ways than one......