SPRING BIG GAME 2023 - MAJOR EVERARD'S REPORT

Major Everard's formal report to His Majesty upon the recent battle (Spring Big Game 2023):

To:                                                                                                                From:   

H.M. King Edward VIII                                                                                 Maj (Acting) R.Everard

Madresfield Court                                                                                        In the field

Worcestershire                                                                                             Dinmore Hill

                                                                                                                     Herefordshire

 Your Majesty,

    I have the honour to report that the recent Communist incursion into the Dinmore pocket has been removed, indeed obliterated, by your loyal forces, despite the Reds' resort to underhand tactics, including petrol tanker bombs and agents dressed as nuns pushing cart loads of bombs. Practically their entire force has been killed or captured. Their odious leader, Professor Winters, the so-called ‘Red Menace’, has revealed his true colours as 'Canary Yellow' by abandoning his men and fleeing to save his own disreputable skin. Our own losses were relatively light, apart from our sailors and cavalry, the BUF's "Iron Hooves", who suffered some casualties.

    As a result of this overwhelming success, your royal troops were able to relieve the besieged defenders of the Cadbury’s factory at Marlbrook, forcing the Bromyard Socialists and their Anglican hangers-on to retire whence they came. I understand a very large selection box of their local product is even now on its way to Queen Wallis.

    I am also pleased to report the successful introduction to combat of Professor McGonagall’s OFSTED tank, commanded by Senior Officer Cadet Macken-Chees, which disabled an enemy armoured vehicle in its first engagement.

I have the honour to be

Your Obedient Servant,

R.Everard

Such was the King's pleasure upon news of the crushing Government victory and receipt of the above report that Everard's past was "quite forgotten" and he was immediately promoted to Major-General. A formal vote of thanks from Parliament is further anticipated....